Why is building great friendships so important?

One of my closest friends used to live just about 3 kilometers away from our house. The journey to his place was quite an adventure. It mostly involved going downhill, passing through a lovely nature reserve, and then braving his incredibly steep driveway. Despite the countless hours we spent riding back and forth between our homes, the trip back was always a bit of a struggle. I have to confess, that nature reserve wasn’t exactly my favorite – it left me feeling utterly exhausted by the time I finally reached home. But what motivated all this effort? It was driven by the desire for friendship, connection, and camaraderie. Even at that young age, I grasped the importance of nurturing strong friendships!

In the present day, the value and significance of friendships are clearer than ever before. Whether we’re currently enjoying them or not, these times highlight their importance. Amidst the constant rush and activity, this significance can sometimes be overshadowed. However, when life forces us to slow down, we’re given the opportunity to assess the depth of our genuine human connections.

Covid 19 and other ongoing global challenges have brought to light divisions among individuals who once believed they had unbreakable friendships. These challenges revealed that these connections were actually conditional, contingent on shared viewpoints.

So what is true friendship?

Certainly, many of us have a basic understanding of what a friend is. True friendship is a deep bond founded on trust, respect, and unconditional support. It thrives on open communication, empathy, and shared experiences, fostering honesty, loyalty, and a non-judgmental attitude.

In the Bible, the Greek word for friend is “phílos.” According to Strongs Concordance, this word carries a profound meaning:

phílos – a friend; someone dearly loved (prized) in a personal, intimate way; a trusted confidant, held dear in a close bond of personal affection. 

Note: The root (phil-) conveys experiential, personal affection – indicating 5384 (phílos) expresses experience-based love. 

To read more on this: Strong’s Greek: 5384. φίλος (philos) — beloved, dear, friendly

Is friendship essential to thrive in life?

We’re given a divine example of friendship: The triune God exemplifies perfect and eternal friendship as Father, Son, and Spirit.

From a Biblical perspective: Jesus is recognized as a friend of sinners in Luke 7:34 and calls us His friends in John 15. Additionally, looking at the creation account in Genesis, Adam’s need for a companion show’s God’s emphasis on friendship. This underscores its importance for us as well. We should mutually reflect friendship with God and to others.

For Gospel advancement: Friendship is a crucial tool for spreading the gospel. It enables us to directly share our faith or create opportunities for others to encounter the Gospel Message. Fulfilling the Great Commission relies on meaningful, friendly interactions with people.

It’s an inherent need that we all share: Reflecting on the creation account in Genesis, we recognize that God designed us for companionship and relationships. This underscores our fundamental need for connection with others.

It’s vital for continuous growth: Most of us need to consistently reassess and nurture our friendships with God, spouse, friends, colleagues, and even strangers. This ongoing growth and improvement are essential for a fulfilling life.

Proverbs gives us guidance: To navigate the intricacies of friendship, the book of Proverbs offers valuable insights and principles that can guide us in building and maintaining meaningful connections.

Read: 10 things Proverbs teaches us about friendship

True Friendship is mutual

Iron sharpens iron, and one person sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17

Yes, at times friendship is giving and at times friendship is receiving, but it always takes two people. There are those relationships that seem like friendships on the surface, but it’s all about what one can receive. When one person is always giving, and one is always receiving, this is a picture of an abusive relationship, not a friendship. A real friendship needs to have two giving sides to it. Yes at times it will be more give than take, and vice versa, but never only one.

Friendship takes time and patience

One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Proverbs 18:24

Proverbs 18:24 makes a distinction between acquaintances and true, loyal friends. This differentiation is personal and subjective, but the underlying principle is universal: genuine friendships require investment. Just as the verse suggests, having many companions may not lead to substantial relationships. Forging lasting bonds demands time and effort—investing in connections to cultivate mutual understanding. Trust and genuine friendship develop gradually, as people learn about each other’s personalities, passions, and life contexts. Therefore, expecting instantaneous and profound relationships is unrealistic. Patience and investment are key; they allow authentic friendships to grow, transcending the shallow realm of mere acquaintanceships.

Be available, ask questions, and think the best of others

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.  Proverbs 17:17

Find areas of common ground, interests, passions, family backgrounds, holidays, and shopping. This will only happen if you ask questions, and will go a long way to growing meaningful friendship.

It is so easy to get offended when people let you down. 

Getting offended can be quite effortless when others disappoint you. Our higher calling is to focus on the positives amidst chaos. Opting to emphasize the chaos can taint your chances of forming a wonderful friendship. Therefore, master the skill of recognizing the strengths in others and offering support during challenges, instead of withdrawing. Avoid becoming overly occupied to the point where you neglect nurturing friendships. Make yourself accessible during both smooth and difficult periods.

Choose to grow in contentment and gratitude

Don’t make friends with an angry person, and don’t be a companion of a hot-tempered one, or you will learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare. Proverbs 22:24-25

Positive versus negative talk will have a dramatic impact on your friendships. Nobody likes to be around negativity. Assess your conversational habits by asking a friend, a spouse or a colleague who you trust and accept what they have to say, even if it is difficult!

Learn more about yourself

Listen to counsel and receive instruction so that you may be wise later in life. Proverbs 19:20

We are all different, unique personalities and characters, thank God for that – but what that does mean is for us to experience excellent relationships, it will take some work to understand who we are.

There are personality tests that show us different animals – a porcupine, a rhino, a lamb, a lion. There are also equivalent Biblical personality tests– you might be like Paul, or Peter, or Moses. While these evaluations offer partial insights, they fall short of guiding us in cultivating strong and distinctive friendships based on our uniqueness. They may even pigeonhole us into fixed categories that we either reluctantly embrace as unalterable traits (e.g. being shy or dominating in nature) or cause us distress as we yearn to possess qualities different from our assigned representation. Often, we dismiss certain aspects of our behavior as mere facets of our personality – “I’m naturally hot-tempered” or “I tend to focus on the negative.” It’s crucial to recognize that while uniqueness defines us, any trait misaligned with scriptural principles shouldn’t be accepted as is. Rather than settling, allow God to shape and refine you, aligning your character with His transformative influence.

Walking Humbly and Taking Correction

Better an open reprimand than concealed love. The wounds of a friend are trustworthy, but the kisses of an enemy are excessive. Proverbs 27:5-6

Do you invite correction and rebuke from friends? Are you open to them pointing out areas in your life that are not inline with Jesus? True friendship invites the opportunity to point each other towards Jesus. This may be hard, but it will create incredible friendships and push you closer to Christ.

Choose Friendships Wisely

The one who walks with the wise will become wise, but a companion of fools will suffer harm. Proverbs 13:20

It’s often said that we shape our identity based on the company we keep. Consider your closest circle of five individuals – who are they? What attributes do they embody? Are they guiding you towards a deeper connection with Jesus or are they inadvertently leading you astray?

This principle doesn’t imply that all your companions must be Christians. Engaging with individuals who have different perspectives is valuable. However, when it comes to those from whom you seek growth and learning, a foundation of Godly character should be sought.

Final thoughts on building great friendships

There is an ultimate friend, the one who paid the greatest price possible for you and me on the cross – Jesus Christ. That is the most important friendship of all to cultivate.

Read my article on Hearing God’s Voice to help you in your friendship with Him.